Robert Vaughn, Sean Pertwee, Josh O'Connor, Irvine Welsh
The Cowboys, overweight and over the hill, are the worst football team in South London, lurching from one defeat to another. Captain Dave sees the chance of lucrative sponsorship when his daughter Jodie gets a high-flying job with an American company. Sensible Larry meanwhile secures sponsorship from the Taj, the worst Indian restaurant in town, in exchange for the team working shifts there. Owner Ajay has been using them in the hopes they will scare off a protection mob led by gangster American Bob. As Jodie falls for Ajay's son Ramesh, Bob's hoodlums try to frighten away the lads by making them strip nude and using their clothes to burn down their changing hut. When news reaches them that the hoods intend to set fire to the Taj, with Ajay and his wife inside, they rise to the occasion, proving that they are truly the Magnificent Eleven.